We were checking out a website called UrbanDictionary.com to look up a certain basic word everyone should know (“antidisestablishmentarianism”), when we made a shocking discovery; Urban Dictionary sucks. Not in a small, uncertain, barely-noticeable suck like you may think, but a harsh, gasping SUUUCK. Urban Dictionary is a website so derived of humor that it’s been called “Tubbo’s polar opposite” by a man who will, ahem, remain nameless. If you’re looking for the funny and exiting definition of a childish and juvenile word, “fart” for example, you have a better chance at laughs by grabbing your Webster dictionary and looking it up there. Urban Dictionary is about as entertaining as throwing rocks at birds, which sounds awesome, but the damn birds fly away before the rock even hits them! And Urban Dictionary passes up the oppurtonity to stone birds by making a lame website. Just as the birds fly away at the smallest sign of a rock, Urban Dictionary takes flight the second a joke threatens to break the monotony (meaning Urban Dictionary blocks it). For shame!
We decided the Internet needed a good online dictionary and thesauruses (dictionary.com sucks almost as badly as Urban Dictionary), so we thought to ourselves, “who would make the best candidates for writing an online dictionary?” Then it came to us; ourselves! For the good of the Internet, we’ve made a mini-dictionary right here on the Tubbo site. You can thank us through donations; sure, PayPal works, but for maximum convenience, you can just email us your credit card number and you’re good to go. One major difference between our site and Urban Dictionary is how we’re not letting our viewers take over by making their own definitions; we know you guys are talentless, and we accept it. We’ll be handling all the writing and the creativity, because we’re awesome like that. And to get this study-buddy party going (to think, we make things like literary fun and acceptable), we’ll define . . .
A crappy website with crappy users and a crappy interface. They define crappy as “something of shoddy quality.” We define it as “Urban Dictionary.”
We’ve been boycotting Urban Dictionary ever since its begun running itself into the ground; users make the worst definitions, mistaking the site for a place to whine about drivel, losers, and politics (a dirty harry is NOT a politician, shut the hell up!). If you type in “jfffksjdhgiohdfa” into Urban Dictionary (we slammed our fist on the keyboard three times and that’s what came up; damn, now our keyboards broke . . . thanks a lot, Urban Dictionary), we guarantee something sexual (and, uh, likely crappy) will come up.
For the record, we’ve made one definition on Urban Dictionary, not that it deserved our genius to grace it’s site anyway, and that was the definition of “Tubbo.” Urban Dictionary decided it couldn’t handle the awesomness of our definition and deleted it. Their loss.
Idiot – “Dude, check out this website I made!”
Cool Man Luke – “Dude, that website is such an Urban Dictionary.”
Pull A Sssaam:
1.) To get away with theft, plagiarism, and/or murder & 2.) to be followed or admired as a God by simple minded tweens despite idiocy and lack of talent at life.
1.) Idiot – “Awesome, I just robbed a bank, stole an amazing idea for a widget, and ran my Grandma over — and I got away with it all.”
Cool Man Luke – “Screw you, fag, you’re totally pulling a Sssaam.
2.) Idiot – “OMG, I love Miley Cyrus!”
Cool Man Luke – “Yeah right, she’s pulling a Sssaam.”
Own (e.g. to annihilate), past tense. Losers and nerds spell “own” (past tense) as “owned,” and technically that’s grammatically correct, but these days, is it cool to be grammatically correct? Hell freakin’ no! These days, it’s cool to be spellin’ words weirded out yo, and the ‘ing’ thin’? That’s stupid. It’s cooler to take off the “g” and replace with an apostrophe ‘. Walkin’, talkin’, lockin’, all without a “g!” How ballin’ is that?
Oh, and ownded is just as cool as droppin’ the “g”, so quit being a retard and saying “owned,” it sucks.
Idiot – “Haha, Sssaam owned that froob Tubbo.”
Cool Man Luke – “Wow, you really are an idiot, aren’t you? One, it’s ‘ownded’, and two, Sssaam was ownded by Tubbo.”
Idiot – “Sorry master.”
Cool Man Luke – “Shuddup.”
A word used by the tragically unhip to describe what’s cool or what’s in (“ownded,” for example, is “in”). If you have ever used to the word “hip” to describe coolness, you know for certain that you are not hip, in any sense of the word.
Far cooler synonyms:
With it, groovy, 79in’, crazy, in the know, sound.
It’s acceptable to use “hip” if you end it with “. . . to the jive”. Example: “those gangstas are so hip to the jive.”
Idiot – “Look at those gangstas over there! They’re so hip!”
Cool Man Luke – “…To the jive?”
Idiot – “Huh? I said they were hip!”
Cool Man Luke – “You’ll never be with it . . .”
An insult intended to be used on scensters, cool-cats, and all that is “emo.” Pronounced “scene-tacular,” only with emphasis on the “tacky” part. All it means is that scene kids (or basically anything you think sucks) are tacky, or more accurately, totally screwed up. Use it when someone thinks they’re being stylish or trendy, but their actually just making douches of themselves.
Idiot – “Like these new tight jeans I bought at Hot Topic?”
Cool Man Luke – “Sure, they’re scene-tacky-lar.”
That’s about it. Unlike Urban Dictionary, we don’t need 17 billion definitions to be happy. Maybe we’ll update this page in the future, but don’t count on it. You’d better bookmark it a few times anyway, just to be safe. If you need more insults or quotes, click here (new window) for and oldie-but-goodie Tubbo post.