Lately, WordPress blogs seem to be overrun with crappy trends and ill-thought-out ideas that make you wonder were any of these thought up by a mental-ward resident? The answer is likely “yes,” but the trends continue regardless, which makes you wonder are the people following these trends mental-ward residents? Again, the answer is almost certainly “yes,” but that isn’t the point here. The point is most all these ideas are crappy. Crap straight out of the Asian’s mouth. Yeah, we went there. Read the following if you want the poopiest ideas for your blog ever invented, because we’re just that mature.
One of the particularly crappy trends is the Rating function WordPress Support recently added. Using this, bloggers allow their viewers to rate their posts using a 1-5 star system, not unlike that of YouTube.
We’ve refused to use or enable this feature, not because we’re afraid we’ll get 1 star reviews; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. If we were to enable this feature, our blog would become flooded with five star ratings, to the point where every single one of our posts would have a perfect 5 stars. This would discourage fans from making their own blogs, because they’d think they would “never be as good as the Tubbo twins.” And we say good riddance to them, it’s obviously true.
Okay, we kinda ruined it there. We had a great Sob Story going there, and we trashed it all for a quick jab at our viewers. Crap. Most people would know that’s not true anyway, so oh well. We wouldn’t get five star reviews, and we couldn’t care less. But we do have a good reason for not using the Rating system; we don’t need you to rate us. To be completely honest, we don’t even want you to rate us. We don’t need some lowlife tween’s five star rating to sleep at night. You want the truth? We think we’re better than you. Happy? You aren’t gonna kill yourself, are you? We honestly think we’re worth more than you. It might be our ego, it might be the truth, but we believe we are superior. We don’t need your approval because it doesn’t matter to us. If we had built this blog with the intentions of garnering approval and pleasing the public, we wouldn’t have made enemies with bigger, more popular blogs, and we wouldn’t have written about such experiences. Controversy isn’t generally praised with a “Let’s-Make-Tubbo-President” status, yet we continue to write controversial material. Why do you think that is? Maybe because we don’t give a crap what you think? Maybe because we know we’re better than people who complain about controversy and truth? Ratings would contradict everything we’ve stood for here at the Tubbo Site, and we’re not gonna throw it all away just to make the viewers feel like they’re doing something constructive by giving a particularly controversial post one star (because they’re not). And to all the people who do rate blogs with one star; screw you. The owner of that blog is worth twice what you are, because he’s doing something with his life, even if it is blogging. It’s more than what could be said for you. So yeah, um, up yours.
We’ve generated more hate than love in the three years that we’ve had this blog, and we’re damn proud of it. Bully for the messed up rating system and all it’s users, because your opinions on something we do in our spare time are worthless. Our blog is our blog, it belongs to us, and we write for ourselves. No one else, not you, not our dog, not even old Bill McGraw down the way, God bless him. This is completely for our pleasure. If we give a few people looking for angry rants a good read, hey, that’s great, but if all we do is piss people off, hey, that’s even better. That’s right, to all you people getting ready to shoot us a hatemail at this very moment; Hahahahahaha! The jokes on you, tard-faced losers. All you’re doing is proving that we’re right (and we are right, it says so on our homepage). So you know what? Screw the rating system, screw the haters, and screw you, too.
And now for something completely different . . . Let’s put the self-liberation and feel good crap (above) aside for a minute. It’s time to talk about music players. No, we’re not talking about the over-priced and wrongly-hyped iPod by Apple (but we do hate those things, that might be a good idea for another rant-post). We’re talking about when bloggers think they’re being innovative (when all they’re actually being is retarded) by putting an HTML code for playing music (called MixPlayers) into their blog. Example below:
If you are gonna put a music player in your blog, here’s a bit of advice; DON’T HAVE THE MUSIC PLAY AUTOMATICALLY. That pisses us off more than anything (more than telemarketers and nuclear war combined), and for good reason. Many times we’ve damn near crapped ourselves when we come to a blog, unaware that we’re about to be blasted with music (we accidentally leave the volume all the way up on occasion). We’ve visited blogs before, at school when we’re supposed to be working (shh, don’t tell), and then this music blares out of the computer because some IDIOT decides that their blog should play that new Britney Spears song whenever it’s loaded. What the hell?! That’s a terrible freaking idea, a 2-year-old coulda told you that. Thanks idiot, now we have detention (and a heart-attack), and it’s all your fault. And you still think you should have your music play automatically? Anyone who thinks this is a good idea doesn’t deserve to breath, let alone host a blog! If you’re gonna put a music player into your blog, that’s a stupid idea. If you’re gonna have the music play automatically, that’s an even stupider idea; get ready for some justified hatemail from us, because that’s one of our thousands of pet peeves (and it’s near the top).
Another bit of advice if you’re gonna be a jerk and have everyone stop visiting your blog because of one poor idea; try putting a song that everyone enjoys on your player. Can’t think of any? That’s probably because no two people have the same taste in music! And no, not everyone likes that obnoxious new “BOOM POW” song by the Black Eyed Peas (or whatever it’s called, we have more important things to do than listen to rap-pop, like collecting dust bunnies for our collection). Personally, we leap from the car whenever that song pops up on the radio, whether we’re pulling out of the driveway, or speeding on a highway.
“Oh hai, we’d da Black Eyed Peas and we can’t not think of ‘ny good lyrics fo our new song so we’s just gonna scream BOOM BOOM POW! over n over like goddamn diabetic kids playing Power Rangers!!” No, just turn it off. Your taste in music sucks, why prove it by putting this on your music player?
We can hear the emails coming already: “But Tubbos, what if I have a wide range of music on my player so everyone hears something they like?” We’ve got an even better idea; how about you get rid of the music player instead, and let people listen to what they like from their own computer, you tool?! Most people are capable of booting up iTunes, they don’t need help from your pussy blog. If viewers want to listen to music, they’ll do it on there own. If they don’t want to listen to music, they aren’t gonna, and having your crappy music forced onto them every time they try to visit your blog isn’t gonna make them happy, it’s just gonna piss them off.
Our favorite type of music is Norwegian death metal and doom thrash. How often do you think we hear a song we like on a blog’s music player? Not very often. We’d rather hear silence, no, we’d rather have our ears gnawed off by cats than suffer through another top-40 chart topper. We’ve seriously stopped going to blogs we used to enjoy going to because we can’t stand the music they’ve started playing. So unless you can find a song that is universally loved (hint, it starts with an N and ends with an OTHING), turn the player off auto-play, or better yet, just ditch the player altogether, or better yet, delete the blog and shoot yourself in the head. Please.
We think features like these are thought up just to make people like us angry.
And again, we can already here the emails coming: “But Tubbos, I like doing CSS and it’s kinda like a hobby lol.” We have one thing to say to you: SHUDDUP! You’re a nerd, you enjoy writing code, so kindly shut the hell up while the grown-ups talk.
Want an example of one the worst-designed blogs, ever? Click here (new window); we discovered it during our time at Legoless’s Blog. It’s laughably bad, and by “laughably bad” we mean we started twitching uncontrollably after visiting it just once.
That’s all we’ve got for you, although crappy ideas for blogs spring up almost daily. Keep on the look out for crap-blogs, and don’t fall for any of their tricks. Or else we’ll kill you.