15 things you don’t say at a funeral.

15 things you don’t might say at a funeral…

  1. *Poke an old person* and say “You’re next.”
  2. How much is this costing us?”
  3. “Jeez, I didn’t know the rat killer was that powerful; this was meant to be a joke!”
  4. *To a family member,* “he never liked you.”
  5. “Does anyone else smell something?”
  6. “Famous last words, indeed.”
  7. *If the corpse was a close relation,* “Hey, wait! I knew this guy!”
  8. “I am so high right now.”
  9. “Why so serious?”
  10. *To his/her wife/husband,* “Don’t worry; I heard Hell isn’t as bad as the Bible makes it seem.”
  11. “Did they find a motive?”
  12. “Drugs kill, kids.”
  13. “…And this is why fire and gasoline just don’t mix.”
  14. *If the parent of the dead one is still alive,* say “Congratulations! You must be so proud!”
  15. “What a beautiful day to be alive.”

Naturally, we’ve said about ten of these. Of course, we’ve only been to one funeral. We made sure Ol’ Jimmy was sent off right…



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