We were listening to a few of Weird Al’s songs the other day, stealing one every so often off the world’s greatest invention, LimeWire, when we came to a song titled “Don’t Download this Song”, with anti-piracy lyrics. “Oh, you don’t wanna mess with the R-I-A-A/ They’ll sue you if you burn that CD-R”. Oh, take that, music thieves! Weird Al will SUE you! Scary! So we did what we always do when someone tells us not to do something; we did it. And look; no law suits yet!
We listened to the song a few times, thought it was alright, and were preparing to to burn ten or twenty CDs to sell on the street corner for 90 cents (you know, undercut the iTunes Store price by 9 cents) . . . When we heard the windows shatter! Men in black suits and bowties leapt through the empty frame, pulled out pieces of paper, and there they were; Tubbo & Dubba Tubba Grey arrest warrants. Charges: Music Piracy. Fine: $100,000,000.
No. No, that didn’t happen, and it will never happen. And you know why? Because nobody cares about music piracy (or the law in general) except that weird Lars guy from Metallica, the un-corrupt cops (as if they exist nowadays), and all the uptight soccer moms who are way too involved with their kids (those are the same parents who end up installing cameras in their kid’s bedrooms, get arrested, and send the kid off to shock therapy when he turns out to be a nutcase). Steal whatever the hell! Steal songs! Steal TVs! Steal cars! Have fun! You only live once, right? Actually, we’d like to wager that not only could you burn two thousand albums without anyone noticing, you could burn down the local school/convenient store/church (you must be at least twelve years of age), nobody would care, and you’d get off scot free. Go out, try it, and let us know. Hurry! Any minute you don’t using committing arsons is a minute wasted. Actually, that reminds us of the time some weirdo emailed us saying we were a “bad influence”. When we give you, the public, her email address, send her some swear-filled hatemail saying we’re the best damn influences ever. Hell, damn, fart; swearing (and drugs) is cool and “sophisticated”, kids!
Now, assuming the idiots are off setting fires, we’ll get back to the article. We flipped through Weird Al Yankovic’s iTunes catalogue, and came to an interesting album cover:
Now, we may have this completely wrong, but to us it looks as if this nerdy, horribly aged man is naked on this cover, swimming towards a doughnut. Why would anyone do this? It’s scarring! More scarring than that the nude photo of Sarah Palin we posted a couple of weeks back (which WordPress removed. Thanks WordPress! Everyone hates you!) We came close to scooping our eyes out with an ice-cream spoon that happened to be sitting on the table after witnessing this abomination.
Now, obviously this is a parody of the awesome 90’s grunge band Nirvana. Now, keeping that in mind, it could have been a LOT worse. If aren’t familiar with Nirvana, or their infamous Nevermind cover, look below:
We can already here those emails coming, so we’ll answer them here: Yes, this is Soviet Russia. We partake in censorship here at the Tubbo Website, and we’ll keep the truth from you for as long as we can. Protesters will be shot.
Not really though (we do support anarchism, however). If it was about protecting the little kids who visit this site, we’d post the most disturbing image we could find, but it’s not like that. We just don’t wanna stare at an infants dick every time we visit this article. So for the sake of our eyes, we “censored” the picture. If you’re curious, or if you’re just… Uh, into that kind of thing (we won’t judge you…), you can click here for the unedited picture (new window). Please tell us you didn’t clink that link.
Which brings us back to Weird Al’s oh-so-controversial album cover. In our opinion, at least judging by Nirvana’s album cover, Weird Al could’ve made his cover a LOT worse. If you know what we mean.
So for that, we thank Weird Al Yankovic. Because of his good judgment (or lack of just that), our eyes are still in our head rather than rolling around the floor, gouged out by an ice-cream scooper. We are forever in your debt, Weird Al. Now, back to LimeWire to… Err, “borrow” a few of Mr. Yankovic’s songs…