You just can’t trust people nowadays. Everything they say, everything they do… Lies. Pretty much everything you were told since you were born was a lie, and if you don’t already know that, you’re an idiot. When your teacher sayed he was teaching for most of his life, that was a lie. He went from working as a McDonald’s cashier to a teacher in about one week after your school fell into debt. When your doctor said you were “A-Ok”, he was lying. You have cancer. When you see a sign that says left turn only, it’s a lie. Everyone else turns right at that turn, and you should turn too. When your parents told you they loved you, it was a lie. Trust us.
You should never trust anyone. Trusting gets you nowhere in life. Ever heard the saying nice guys finish last? Although the saying itself is a lie because a human composed it, there’s a bit of truth to it. Nice guys (in other words, trusting people) finish last, and in the Great Tubbo Race, finishing last means death. Don’t wanna die and sudden a early death? Stop trusting people. Would you trust this guy?
No. Of course not. Then why would you trust anyone else? It’s stupid! Even politicians lie these days, and if you can’t trust a politician, who can you trust? Priests? Pshh.
One time we trusted someone. Big mistake. You turn your back on someone you think is telling you the truth, and BAM! The next thing you know, you’re in the middle of a desert with nothing to get you home except a cane and seven pounds of licorice. We’ve made quite a few errors in judgment in our young lives: We trusted that the man servering our burgers had washed his hands before touching the food we put in our gullible mouths. Boy, were we wrong.
Trusting people is a terrible thing to do. Don’t ever let it happen to you. You think you can trust someone one minute, the next they’re cooking you in a stew that they’ll serve to there dinner guests. And even the guests would lie to you, saying that you tasted great. Lie. Everyone is a liar. You’re a liar too. We hate you. We hate everyone.
We’re not bitter. We promise.