We were thinking about New Year’s and all the things that go with it. We liked how it seemed like everyone gets a new start; a clean slate. How long that slate will remain clean (at least for us) is questionable, but it’s a nice idea nonetheless. We also encourage the idea of “resolutions,” and how people can try bettering themselves for the New Year. We liked this idea so much that we went over to the department store (we know, who goes to department stores anymore, right?), bought a notebook and pen, and thought up shortcomings and failures for the rest of the day. No, they weren’t our failures. We don’t have any failures. They were for the Babysitter:
This goes on for pages and pages. We could have written a 500 page novella, but we got a little bored so we stopped.
Anyway, after we finished the writing, we strolled over and showed this to the Babysitter. She said she was happy we were taking resolutions so seriously, and although we had missed a fault (apparently we “fart” too much), she was proud of us and thought we’re finally maturing. Apparently she was laboring under the illusion that the list was filled with our shortcomings. That would’ve been silly! Then we told her that this list wasn’t for us. It was for her. That’s why we’re typing this on a portable laptop 15 miles from our house in some bushes. Number “3” on the list is much truer than we expected (as is “4”, which is much worse). Please don’t tell her where we are.
Our list may apply to you as well, viewer. You may be ugly. You may have bad breath. You may even kick down little children (although we hope you don’t). But one resolution can apply to just about everyone, including the Babysitter. One that every should work on bettering themselves on. Your resolution should be this: model your life after the us, Tubbo & Dubba Tubba.
We know, we know. That would be incredibly hard, and maybe even impossible. But we’re asking you, please try. Just take it one day at a time. In every situation, ask yourself “what would Tubbo do?” You can even print off wrist bands that say “WWTD” and wear them 24/7. It shouldn’t be too difficult, mostly because in almost every situation Tubbo would react in a compulsive (and often times violent) way. The Burger Joint is out of burgers? Tubbo would punch the cashier (who has nothing to do with the shortage of burgers) in the face. The library is out of books? Tubbo would burn the whole building down (sometimes he’d burn it down even if it had more than enough books just because setting fires it awesome). It’s easy, and if you have a twisted mind, fun!
If the entire world was like Tubbo & Dubba Tubba, it would be a happier place.
So, there it is. We’d just like to thank everyone for the sub-average year you’ve been giving us through this above-average site, and to tell you that we’re really –cough- looking forward to a new year with all of you. We will continue making new, insulting articles long into the new year, just like we have since 2007. Three years of literary genius, and we don’t intend to stop now. Have a completely average New Year everyone!
Tubbo & Dubba Tubba Grey, signing out. 2007-2009. We rock.