Sweet, sweet stereotypes.
They aren’t so bad, give them a chance! If we didn’t have stereotypes, we’d have to get to know a person (whom we could probably go without) before we judged him. That could lead to an unwanted friendship that wouldn’t have happened in the first place if we could have just stereotyped the guy. See how using a much more sensible method of socializing (such as “conversing.” Brr.) can be dangerous? What would happen to the world if we all got to know each other before passing judgement? We’ll tell you- absolute chaos!
We’ve devised a list of common stereotypes and marked them with a check or an x depending on whether they are true or not to save you the time and energy that would have been spent making friends, but can now be used more efficiently by making even more stereotypes and further isolating yourself from the rest of the world. You can thank us later.
- “I’m skinny so I must be anorexic.”
How can someone be skinny when foods such as steak and dog are floating around without being anorexic? It’s impossible, even if they are vegetarians, which means this stereotype is true. Oh, and that reminds us of something else we’ve been meaning to tell you all: All vegetarians (and that means every last one) are weird hippies that think they’re better than all of us.
- “I wear all black so I must be emo.”
They could have worn brown, yet they choose to wear black. Seems pretty emo to us. Keep in mind, however that they aren’t always really emo, they just want attention. We call those people “posers.”
- “I’m Asian so I must be a genius.”
Every Asian is a genius. It’s like an unwritten law of life.
- “I’m rich so I must be a conceited snob.”
Although this is usually true, we Tubbos break this stereotype everyday. We’re extremely rich (richer than you at least), but we aren’t conceited snobs (we promise).
- “I have straight A’s so I must not have a social life.”
- “I’m Indian so I must own a convenient store.”
Just look at Hapu (or whatever the hell his name is) from the Simpsons! We know that this stereotype is correct because cartoons can’t show things unless they’re true, right? Showing things that aren’t true in a children’s cartoon would be like a politician who lies! It just doesn’t happen.
- “I’m blond so I must be stupid.”
- “I wear glasses so I must be a nerd.”
Whenever you see someone walking down the street, you can almost instantly tell if that person is compatible with you or not. Ask your self this question; are you wearing glasses? Then ask yourself, is that person wearing glasses? If you answered yes to both questions, chances are you two will have a grand ol’ time playing Dungeons and Dragons. If you answered no to both questions, you’ll probably spend the rest of the day listening to Green Day, smokin’ ciggies, and skateboarding with this person. If you got mixed results, you have nothing in common with this person and should not pursue conversation. Abort immediately.
- “I’m Irish so I must have a drinking problem.”
We actually had an Irish tutor a year or two ago who got fired from teaching because he drank in front of his students. Or maybe because he beat his students, we forget. We’ve studied the topic of alcohol extensively and our results are that the only alcoholics in this world are Irishians (we aren’t sure if that’s a word and we probably could’ve just used the term “Drunkian” to cover all the Irish people, but oh well). It’s impossible to be addicted to alcohol without being Irish; if you’re not Irish and you tell people you have a drinking problem, you’re probably faking. You may have been diagnosed with a problem, but now you know better! Congratulations! Treat yourself to a whiskey for figuring this out! Conversely, it’s impossible to not be addicted to alcohol if you are Irish. Our research doesn’t lie. To be fair though, the only Irish person we’ve ever known or have ever studied is our old tutor.
- “I’m Muslim so I must be a terrorist.”
If you ever see an Islamic man walking down the street, you know the truth; report to CSI immediately before he reaches the airport he is no doubt headed to.
- “We’re the Tubbos so we must suck.”
Contrary to popular belief, we do not, in any way, “suck”.
There you have it! Because of us, you’ll never have to converse with any other human being because of our list that labels nearly every type of person; people are so easy to sort.
Thousands of people have distorted views on society and people in general because of this list.
UPDATE JAN. 31st 09: We got three angry emails and one comment saying that this post is offensive and it’s only been up for one day. They said that we should warn younger viewers that this contains offensive material. We’re reasonable “men,” so here goes; if you’re under 12 or easily offended, you shouldn’t have read any of the above.
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