In the Time it Took Her to Write About “Not Writing a Love Song”, She Coulda Written a Love Song

We were listening to the radio the other day (or, in other words, allowing sucky pop ballads to pierce our ears because pain is “bracing”) when a certain song caught our ear:  Love Song by Sara Bareilles (if you don’t have iTunes 8.0 or above, screw you).  The song itself is fairly sub-par.  Not terrible like most of the songs we hear played over the radio, but nothing great, like say, Iron Maiden.  But the quality itself isn’t what caught our attention.  No, it was the lyrics of the song that made us stop and stare.

The song’s chorus goes something like “I’m not gonna write you a love song…”, and the verses that follow talk about some whiny brat crying about how her boyfriend asks to much of her, and how she refuses to write him a love song for the obvious reason of not wanting to succumb to males.  Of course!  That’s what anyone normal person would do, right?  No.  What a child.

  Lets backtrack- so far, facts we’ve learned from this song are:

  • Sara Bareilles is a whiny witch who complains about everything.
  • She likes to deny her boyfriend the basic necessities (like food, shelter, a love song now and then, etc.).
  • She doesn’t really “love” her boyfriend (as if there is such a thing), as she refuses to write him a love song, even though he begged her.
  • She likes taunting men she dates by writing songs about not writing loves songs (and then profoundly labeling it “Love Song”).

So we are forced to conclude:

  • Sara Bareilles = Evil mind-warping poop (Evil mind-warping poop = Sarah Palin)

Yep, that’s right.  Sara Bareilles is actually Sarah Palin in disguise.  They even share the same name!  Sorta.  …Well, they probably aren’t the same people, but you never know…

What really bugs us about this song, besides the fact that it sucks, is that in the time it took her to write “I’m not gonna write you a love song”, she coulda written the guy a love song.  Really, why waste time writing about how you aren’t gonna write a love song when you could be using the time to write a love song?  How do songs like this get played on the radio?  Sara Bareilles is probably some psycho woman liberation campaigner who uses speeches and bombs to get the liberating point across, which is why she wrote a song about not writing a love song.  Stupid liberals, trying to pretend like they don’t need us men…  Or Tubbo’s.

You know another thing that’s wrong with this song?  There isn’t any profanity.

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