All we want for Christmas is word peace? Ha, try video games, iPods, CDs, and cash. Is there anything better than cash? Well, bombs are good too…
As everyone knows, December 25th is a very special day. A very special day indeed… It’s the international honor the Magnolias Tree Day! Hooray! Oh, and we’re told it Christ-something day as well.
Anyhow, welcome to the first ever Tubbo Site Christmas Post! This post is all about the upcoming Christmas (surprise surprise)! …Which reminds us. We’ve heard all these people on TV talking about how it’s impolite to say “merry Christmas”, and how we should say “happy Holidays” instead so we don’t discriminate people from different religions. We’re going to tell you straight up that that is pure BS. We never were one for manners (plus, we like discrimination), but that’s not the problem. The problem is that saying happy Holidays is censorship.
Why should they (“they” being some big faceless guy in the government) control what we say and hear everyday? We’ll say merry Christmas if we want!! We picture the scenario for the whole happy Holidays scheme going like this: Someone from the U.S. government (Sarah Palin most likely) decides “Huh. I don’t like the whole ‘merry Christmas’ thing today. I think we should say ‘happy Holidays’ instead.” Some other government guy asks her why she doesn’t like it. Sarah Palin, being Sarah Palin, responds “I dunno.” and the guy says “OK.” and it becomes a law. Simple as that. Well, we Tubbo’s aren’t gonna compromise our beliefs from some stupid Communist in the government. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! And God bless us, everyone. Uh oh. Here come the censorship police.
Now that we got that out of system, we wanna talk to you all about something very important that’s been plaguing Christmas literally forever. More important than government money, government oppression, or bombs- picking out the right Christmas Tree.
Everyone knows that Christmas Tree prices have skyrocketed lately, and they weren’t low to begin with in Australia. Where we live, they’ve reached record price of $250.00. Crazy, huh? Many people around us have opted to go the artificial tree route. Or, as we like to call it, the hippie wannabe tree route. We of course, are buying REAL trees for every room in our mansion, but many people aren’t that lucky, so we devised some tips to help the less fortunate afford trees this year.
- Steal the neighbor’s tree.
Easy, simple, and to the point. Just steal the neighbor’s tree. How hard can that be? Of course, realize that you could be ruining the families Christmas, traumatizing the children, and potentially putting the neighbor’s onto the streets. Oh well. Bonus points if you cut it down from their yard.
- Can’t afford ornaments? Hang the kids!
Actually, even if you can afford ornaments, hang ’em.
- If at all possible, try not to let the tree catch fire.
This one is a bit vital. Of course, if you don’t think you can do this step, you can just repeat step 1.
And there you have it- the way to pick out the very best Christmas Tree and what to do with it. The tree is obviously very important, not only because it gives us the air we breath everyday and supplies life and all that crap, but because it is the cradle of life to the real meaning of Christmas- the presents. You know. Besides all that other stuff. But presents can hold just as much trouble as the Christmas Tree can. Not receiving presents. That’s the easy part. But people who give presents, and then ask for them back. Aunts and Uncles everywhere give out great presents like CD Players or grenade launchers, and then start dropping subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) hints that they want the gift back. Ignore these hints, Tubbo fans. Once the gift has traded hands, it’s no longer the purchaser’s. It’s yours. If it was a matter of life and death and the person who gave us a gift needed it back, we’d let the die. At least we’d have the gift to soother our semi-guilty conscience.
Some common attempts to get a gift back are:
“Well gee, now I want one!” Uncle Albert once tried this one on us. He reward was, not the gift back, but a mouthful of teeth. His own teeth.
“Wow, the things I could do with this!” We heard this one when we got a deluxe olive-pitter 2001. It turned into an eyeball gouger after we were through with the person.
“I’d loooooove one of those…” We’d looooove to have the Aunt who tried this on us back. Sadly, we can’t bring back the dead.
“Gimme that present back!!” Actually, that’s one we tried. And imagine this- it worked.
Well, that’s it for the Christmas Post. We gotta get back to decking the halls with balls of Hollister models! Thank you! Good-night!