1. Include an game minute counter.
There is no #2 or #3 or #4. That is the best and only way to simply destroy a system.
A game minute counter is something stupid companies put into a system to keep track of how long you’ve been playing, so if you play a game for an hour or something, you can view that play time. It’s the absolute worst thing developers can put into a system, and has been the death of countless good games.
The Wii fell prey to the death trap that engulfs so many systems nowadays. We imagine gaming companies thinking “what extras can we put in our system?”. Eventually, they think of putting a minute counter in so people can keep track of how long they’ve been playing. Seems like a good idea at first, right? Well, no, we can’t imagine how someone would think that a minute counter would be a good idea, even for a margin of a second, but we try to sympathize nonetheless. What we can’t understand is why waste space and memory on the counter when there are so many better possibilities. If we were in the gaming industry, we’d use the extra space for something cool like alien tracking or virus implants or something.
It seems like a waste to put a counter into a gaming system, but that’s not the reason we hate them so much. We hate them because it’s like a beacon to parents everywhere looking for an excuse to ground their kid. They see the kid has made his bed, cleaned his room, and taken out the trash. He even made them a cup of tea after dinner. But wait! They check his Wii counsel, and find that he played SSBB for ten more minutes than we was supposed to! “Please!” the youth pleads. “I lost track of time! I swear!” But it’s to late. The guillotine comes down with a sickening squelch.
Well, most parents don’t do that (but you never know…), but you might get in trouble for playing too long. Nintendo in particular is infamous for siding with the parents on issues like these. In our mind, this is nothing short of betrayal. Nintendo promises children as young as 10 hours of game playing fun with a huge selection of action-packed fun, and then they turn around and give the parents all these parenting control-freak features to keep the kid from playing the games. They have the PIN number-password to keep kids from playing Rated M games, they have the minute counter to make sure the kids aren’t playing to long… They even have this huge “WHY NOT TAKE A BREAK” sign in Wii Sports that pops up at you every 5 minutes, trying to discourage you from playing a game that probably put parents on the streets and selling their furniture trying to afford! We paid for this game, and we’ll play it for however long we want!
The worst part is that soon, gaming systems will be following Nintendo’s lead. Eventually even the smallest of systems like the DS will be tracking down minutes, reporting if you play to long, even emailing your parents if you spend a minute more than you’re supposed to. It’s like an evil nerd-fueled organization designed to cripple our generation, and it’s succeeding. But we won’t stand for it! We’re not gonna take it! Someday, we’ll make Tubbo-tendo Inc., where you have to play at least 4 hours everyday (naturally, if you don’t play long enough, it’ll give you 10V charges to keep you from quitting), E rated games to T games will be banned (kids caught playing E – T games will be prosecuted), and all minute counters will be burned in a forest fire (which we caused).