Screw Treats, We’re Givin’ Tricks!

“Happy (Witty alteration of ‘Halloween’)!”

We’re sick of seeing all those cards out there with the corny alterations of the word ‘Halloween’.  They’ve all been done before, so why keep it up?  Cards are about the stupidest thing that have happened on earth, and we’ve witnessed some pretty stupid things.  We’ve seen cards go as far as “Happy Halo-ween”, and it showed a picture of a Halo solider (from the video game?) on the inside.  Needless to say we burned down the store selling those terrible cards, but that’s not the point.  Seriously, who comes up with these things?  It literally scares us how someone could be so ill in the mind to think someone would buy these thinking they were funny.  And THAT kids, is the true meaning of Halloween.  

Speaking of Halloween (really?  This post is about Halloween?), we’re not going treating, but we are going tricking.  This is the one time of year when people are 50% less likely to call the cops on us if we break windows, or something similar.  At least, that’s what the statistics say.  The statistics we made.  We have a whole line of pranks set up, and all of them are mean spirited.  We have a gift for hitting people where they’re most sensitive and insecure.  It’s a tough burden to carry, but carry it we must.  We do the best we can.  The person reading this is FAT.

We’ve also decided to take egging to the next level.  Picture this:  raw-meating.  It’s genius.  You take an ordinary slice of raw meat, preferably one that has been sitting out for a few days, allowing the maggots to form, and throwing it at a house/school building.  We mean, who awful can you get?  It’s a complete hassle to clean up, and if you don’t find it in time, it’ll probably smell.  The only problem is the expenses of meat.  We suggest stealing some.

If you have a dog (regrettably, we don’t), you can also get some of its crap and light it on fire outside someones house.  If at all possible, try not to set the persons house of fire- you might get sued, and if you do, we’re not being held responsible.  You know, it’d be worth getting a dog just for this.  If you’re desperate enough, you could always use human poop.  Just…  Kidding… ….

Whatever you do, have fun with Howl-o-ween.  It’s your time to shine, fellow pranksters.  Yes, we did just use a corny version of Halloween, but there IS one cool way to write it without being dumb- Tubbo-ween.  Just the name strikes terror into young hearts.  People should be taught the horrors of Tubbo rather than witches.

 

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