Monthly Archives: October 2008

An extremely ugly person eats a submarine samich.

This is a caricature of someone who we saw in real life.  He was an overweight man (like flabs on his flab), and with each bite it quaked.

Gross.

Worse, he was wearing a tanktop.  We were so sickened, we couldn’t finish our Subway sandwich.  Well, it might’ve been that Subway is just disgusting, but the man had something to do with it.  Seriously, this man was fat.

His ugliness moved us to make this picture.  Don’t look if you have a weak stomach:

Notice the details on the sub — the size is definitely accurate.  We aren’t sure why we made this picture.  We think it had something to do with being hypnotized by the jiggling.  It was like a Lava Lamp.  Jiggle . . . jiggle . . . jiggle . . .

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Screw Treats, We’re Givin’ Tricks!

“Happy (Witty alteration of ‘Halloween’)!”

We’re sick of seeing all those cards out there with the corny alterations of the word ‘Halloween’.  They’ve all been done before, so why keep it up?  Cards are about the stupidest thing that have happened on earth, and we’ve witnessed some pretty stupid things.  We’ve seen cards go as far as “Happy Halo-ween”, and it showed a picture of a Halo solider (from the video game?) on the inside.  Needless to say we burned down the store selling those terrible cards, but that’s not the point.  Seriously, who comes up with these things?  It literally scares us how someone could be so ill in the mind to think someone would buy these thinking they were funny.  And THAT kids, is the true meaning of Halloween.  

Speaking of Halloween (really?  This post is about Halloween?), we’re not going treating, but we are going tricking.  This is the one time of year when people are 50% less likely to call the cops on us if we break windows, or something similar.  At least, that’s what the statistics say.  The statistics we made.  We have a whole line of pranks set up, and all of them are mean spirited.  We have a gift for hitting people where they’re most sensitive and insecure.  It’s a tough burden to carry, but carry it we must.  We do the best we can.  The person reading this is FAT.

We’ve also decided to take egging to the next level.  Picture this:  raw-meating.  It’s genius.  You take an ordinary slice of raw meat, preferably one that has been sitting out for a few days, allowing the maggots to form, and throwing it at a house/school building.  We mean, who awful can you get?  It’s a complete hassle to clean up, and if you don’t find it in time, it’ll probably smell.  The only problem is the expenses of meat.  We suggest stealing some.

If you have a dog (regrettably, we don’t), you can also get some of its crap and light it on fire outside someones house.  If at all possible, try not to set the persons house of fire- you might get sued, and if you do, we’re not being held responsible.  You know, it’d be worth getting a dog just for this.  If you’re desperate enough, you could always use human poop.  Just…  Kidding… ….

Whatever you do, have fun with Howl-o-ween.  It’s your time to shine, fellow pranksters.  Yes, we did just use a corny version of Halloween, but there IS one cool way to write it without being dumb- Tubbo-ween.  Just the name strikes terror into young hearts.  People should be taught the horrors of Tubbo rather than witches.

 

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We’ll Support Child Labor When We’re 18

Until then, we think it’s a horrid thing to force kids into mines for minimum wage.  Horrid!  Someone should do something about it.

Of course, it’ll be a different story once we’re adults.  When we’re 18, we’ll be all like “get down in those mines, faggots!  We’ll give you a penny an hour!”  When we’re 18, we’ll be protesting against something far worse: forced adult labor.  

To petition against forced adult labor, go to http://www.stopthemaddness.com (actually, that’s probably a real site, but we’re not taking the time to check it.  Maybe we’ll get lucky and it’s a virus encripted site.  You never know).  

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Cheese packets are too damn hard to open.

Today, we went to the kitchen to get a snack and we found a packet of cheese.  It looked tasty-licious.  The only problem was that it was still sealed in the plastic package.  We thought, “no big deal.  We’ll just open it.”  We tried to open it, but it was too damn tough to get open.  Seriously, it was like impossible to open without help from cheese-packet opener experts.  We got discouraged, so we got out a chainsaw to slash it open, but then Bill (our Dad) caught us and made us put it away.  Then he opened it for us with his bare hands.  Whoa.

Cheese packets are way to hard to get open.  The little plastic-y things are always stuck together and stuff.  Someone should do something about it.  We recommend writing to Congress.  Maybe someone should start a “Cheese-Packet Recovery Program” for people who tried to open cheese packets but failed. But we’re not gonna; it’s up to you.  ‘Cause we’re too lazy.


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Little List of Snappy Yahoo Answer Retorts

Because some of you don’t have the joy in life to read all of our Yahoo Answer responses, we are filling you in on some of the best ones.  But before we do that, the title of this post.  Isn’t it great?  We love the word “snappy”.  It’s such a snapilishis word- we wanna keep saying it over and over and over.  Snappy snappy snappy!

Snappy!

    1.  Question: Has some little tart answered a question of yours and called you stupid- and did it feel good when clicked the block her @$$ button?

Answer:  No, stupid.  What a stupid question, stupid.  Stupid, stupid, stupid!

 

    2. Question: I just got my heart back in pieces 😦 … Any advice on how too mend it?

Answer:  One word: Implant.

 

    3.  Question: Do you think critical thinking is common sense?

Answer:  Hahahahaha!  What is this “common sense” you speak of?

 

    4.  Question: What state am I in?  No fair listing all states…

Answer:  We know your address too.  Want us to post it?

 

     5.  Question: My friend (Jake) wants to be muscle-y, but is too lazy…  What should I do?

Answer:  Oh, I get it… ‘Jake’ is lazy. Heh heh… *Wink wink*. Maybe you should tell this ‘Jake’ to get his head out of his butt and suck up his fat for a while. It’s a holiday in Cambodia, buddy!

 

    6.  Question: What comes next in the quote “ask and you shall be givin, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you…”?

Answer:  “Ask and you shall be givin, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you, and then poop in your pants for buying into this propaganda.”

~Whoever said it before me.

 

    7.  Question: If you had $40,000 to spend on a car, what you would you buy?  You HAVE to buy a car. imagine it to be some sort of contest or something and you won a car coupon. I need ideas for my 16th birthday present!

Answer:  Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards.  Seriously?

 

    8.  Question: What is another game like Runescape?

Answer:  Have you tried Nerdscape?

 

    9.  Question: Where can I find the Kid Rock song “American Badass”?  

Answer:  Why would you WANT to find a Kid Rock song? Personally, we try to avoid them.

 

    10.  Question: What would you do if the bride/groom said ‘NO!’ and ran away at the wedding?

Answer:  We were going to answer this question with something better than the answer we’re giving right now, but we decided that Yahoo Answers would probably delete my account.

That’s it.  Please note that the only time we edited these are when the question/response is too long.  We did all the answers, other people we don’t know did the questions.  No, we’re not giving them credit.  Boo-hoo.

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Bosses Aren’t Your Friends…

 

"Just go to the red door to find the boss!" ~Toad, Mario World

Sacrilegious?  Ya.  Rude?  Ya.  Stupid?  Questionable.  But it’s the truth.  Bosses are not your friends.  They weren’t when you started your job, and they won’t be once you get to know them.  You should be glad that your boss doesn’t throw you into a pit of fire every time you’re late for work.

Seriously, we hate it when people complain about their “not being close” to their boss.  Are bosses supposed to be friends with there employees?  Of course not!  The only thing a boss should have to do is some name calling here and there, and the occasional whipping when needed.  Not play paddy-cakes with Jimmy at his lunch break or get together with Dolorus after work is done.  And speaking of fake names like Jimmy and Dolorus reminds us of a question.  How come when people are using examples of people that don’t exist, they use the most generic names possible?  How ’bout spicing it up a little?  Be a little creative!  How about Natorblus or Franklin or Jesus?  C’mon people!  Nothings less creative than using names like Jack or Sara.

If we were bosses (which we will someday), we’ll make those mean mean bosses down at the office seem like a joke.  Our bossing skills will grind the skin of there very back.  It will make the Pharaohs of Egypt seem compassionate to the people they enslaved.  Actually, enslavement sounds like a pretty good idea.  If you complain, into the slave bin you go.  For guards, we’ll hire convicted murderers.  And of course, the slave bin will be covered with spikes.  They wont be able to move without getting skewered.  

How does that sound?  Does that sound like us being your friend?  We’re not your friends, and neither is your boss!  Actually, your boss just called us.  He said your fired. 

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We’re NOT Going Political

There are too many blogs floating around WordPress that are just about politics!  Practically all the posts on the Hawt Posts area are about politics!  They’re either “Oh, Obama is gonna get crushed.” or “McCahin is going down.”!  And yes, we know we spelled McCahin wrong.  It wasn’t on purpose, either.  It just shows how little we know about the upcoming US election.  Seriously, who cares about a crappy election?  Even if we could vote, we wouldn’t.

We’re four years old!!  Does WordPress seriously expect kids like us to care about politics in the slightest?  Plus, Wordpress isn’t just for America.  There are Australians on here too, just like us!  And anyway, we only pledge our allegiance to one flag:  the “Tubbo Flag of Supreme Brainwashed Justice”.

 

We’re an Anarchy!  Anarchy in the Tubbo K.!

Slaves!  All of you are slaves!  Moo ha ha ha ha!!  Er…  Never mind.  Nothing wrong here at Tubbo Corp. folks.  Everything’s just dandy.

So that pretty much covers it.  We’re not changing over to a political site like most blogs are lately.  We wont even have a political post, unless you count this one, which is pretty much an inside view about how you all will be kneeling before the twisted flag of Tubbo someday.  Slaves!

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