Jan Brady Should Be Locked Up

Let’s clear one or two things up here before we get started on this post.  We don’t support/like The Brady Bunch. We have been watching episodes lately PURELY for the purpose of writing this new post.  So don’t go emailing us saying “ha ha ha, you guys like Brady Bunch”.

So, after watching numerous episodes of the Brady Bunch, we noticed a pattern: whenever an episode has Jan as the main character, it’s either about:

  1. Jan Brady hating her life.
  2. Jan Brady being jealous of Marcia.
  3. Jan Brady wanting to change herself.
  4. Or Jan Brady hating her life (yes, she hates her life twice, if that makes any sense at all).

Which leads us to the theory of locking Jan up in a loony bin.  We think she could be hazardous to her or people around her.  Due to hearing voices in her head (which tell her to burn things), she is always on the verge of tears, and is constantly moody.  I mean, just look at the episode when she changes her hair color or gets glasses and tell us that’s not unstable!

Scary, huh?  Like we said; a threat to herself and everyone around her.  There is only one way to deal with people like this, and that’s the straight jacket.

It would probably help Jan if she actually got some friends to play with. Of course, any chance of a social life was shot down in the second season when she started talking to herself and hating life (it all started with the black wig).  After that, she started going about getting friends completely wrong (chasing them, locking them up in her room, and telling scary jokes about bombs).

If she isn’t complaining about her friends making her eat rats, she’s complaining about her brothers tying her to a chair and leaving her there!  What is it with her?  It’s like she’s so used to complaining about things, she can’t stop, even when life is treating her good.

Sigh.  Some people never learn.  That said, we doubt Jan has changed in her old age (if she isn’t alive at the time of this writing, we apologize to her family with our only defense being all this is true.  And if she isn’t alive, that means she is a zombie, and all this is still relevant).  If you run into her in a dark alley, prepare for a beating, as well as nonsensical mumblings about black wigs and Marcia Brady being better at her at life.

 

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