Monthly Archives: September 2008

The Return of the Tyrant

This post is about the Babysitter.  If you don’t know who the Babysitter is already, click here.

It’s back.  We don’t know how, we don’t know why…  But she’s back.  Back to kill us all.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.  We’re sorry (yeah right), but the Babysitter is getting to us.  We haven’t written about the Babysitter for a while, so even if you read the articles above, you may be a little behind, so here’s the story so far:

Before our current babysitter named Nanny, we had an older, eviler, more sinister-looking babysitter, known simply as the Babysitter.  Older Tubbo fans will remember her, as she was still babysitting us when we got this site.  Anyway, after a few months of babysitting, she disappeared.  Bill (our Dad) said she was going on vacation, but she never came back.  

He suspected she just need a change, and decided to move, but only we know the truth.  She was convicted of murder and was on the run.  But then she got caught!  She was in prison for a few months, but a little while ago she escaped.  That’s when she first started trying to snuff us (we may have been just a little hard on her- we caused her to go crazy).  Sure, we we’re never the BEST kids to watch, but she didn’t have to go insane.  We talk about her first try at us in the post “How Lazyness Save Our Life” (there’s a link above titled Lazyness.  That’s the same one), but to summarize it, she basically planted a bomb in our riding mower, and if not for a fluke, one of us (Tubbo) wouldn’t be sitting here writing the truth.  Say, maybe THAT’S why she tried to kill one of us…

Anyway, Bill didn’t believe us, thinking we we’re doing our usual joking (actually, planting a bomb in the mower DOES sound like something we’d do), but we figured it didn’t matter.  The Babysitter would get caught before long, right?  WRONG.  

After that, Nanny disappeared.  We think she’s in cahoots with the Babysitter, because now the position of Babysitting us is free, and guess who just turned up to reclaim the position?  That’s right- the Babysitter.  She’s returned.

Which brings us back to the present, so we can stop writing in those annoying slanty letters.  We just though they seemed pro.  Anyway, back to the point of this post.  The Babysitters back!  Understand? B-a-c-k.  We’ve been forced into hiding in the basement to write Tubbo posts now that computers have been banned.  We can’t let her find us, or she might-

Just kidding, we haven’t been caught.  Yet.  We think she might be trying to make our life hell before she goes in for the kill.  But we wanna make her life bad too, so we’re posting this picture we made of her to the public!  Enjoy folks.  We don’t know how long the Babysitter will stay ignorant to it, and when she finds it, it’ll go down.

Ok, maybe her skin isn’t COMPLETELY green, and she can’t quite breath fire YET, but otherwise, this is a pretty accurate picture.  It’s only a matter of time before she starts looking like this.

Anyway, we aren’t sure what we’re gonna do about the Babysitter yet.  Bill, poor poor Bill, still thinks she is a good Babysitter, and we haven’t caught any of her torturing sessions on film yet to prove what she really is (she always breaks the camera when she finds it).  We don’t know how long we can keep up resisting her.  Tubbo practically has a broken arm from twisting, and Dubba Tubba ribcage is bruised.  We need reinforcemnts!  But we still have operation N00dle.  Heh heh heh…

On another note, if you see any posts end with an “-” mid-sentence (example: what’s up Tub-), then you know she caught us.  We hope you never have to see th-

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Jan Brady Should Be Locked Up

Let’s clear one or two things up here before we get started on this post.  We don’t support/like The Brady Bunch. We have been watching episodes lately PURELY for the purpose of writing this new post.  So don’t go emailing us saying “ha ha ha, you guys like Brady Bunch”.

So, after watching numerous episodes of the Brady Bunch, we noticed a pattern: whenever an episode has Jan as the main character, it’s either about:

  1. Jan Brady hating her life.
  2. Jan Brady being jealous of Marcia.
  3. Jan Brady wanting to change herself.
  4. Or Jan Brady hating her life (yes, she hates her life twice, if that makes any sense at all).

Which leads us to the theory of locking Jan up in a loony bin.  We think she could be hazardous to her or people around her.  Due to hearing voices in her head (which tell her to burn things), she is always on the verge of tears, and is constantly moody.  I mean, just look at the episode when she changes her hair color or gets glasses and tell us that’s not unstable!

Scary, huh?  Like we said; a threat to herself and everyone around her.  There is only one way to deal with people like this, and that’s the straight jacket.

It would probably help Jan if she actually got some friends to play with. Of course, any chance of a social life was shot down in the second season when she started talking to herself and hating life (it all started with the black wig).  After that, she started going about getting friends completely wrong (chasing them, locking them up in her room, and telling scary jokes about bombs).

If she isn’t complaining about her friends making her eat rats, she’s complaining about her brothers tying her to a chair and leaving her there!  What is it with her?  It’s like she’s so used to complaining about things, she can’t stop, even when life is treating her good.

Sigh.  Some people never learn.  That said, we doubt Jan has changed in her old age (if she isn’t alive at the time of this writing, we apologize to her family with our only defense being all this is true.  And if she isn’t alive, that means she is a zombie, and all this is still relevant).  If you run into her in a dark alley, prepare for a beating, as well as nonsensical mumblings about black wigs and Marcia Brady being better at her at life.

 

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Today Tubbo pooped the biggest poop of his young life.

Today, I (Tubbo) pooped the biggest poop of my young life.  It was brown (and red and yellow), it was smelly, and it had a faint pulse.  The mush of my previous meal coursed through it’s many veins.  It took on a life of it’s own.  It had a steady heart beat and everything.  Then it pooped out it’s own baby poops.  Suddenly there was about 5 poops in the toilet, each with the velvety texture of brown mashed potatoes.  All of them together were letting off a steamy vile stench.  A stench that reeked of pure evil.

I tried flushing them down the toilet, but they had gotten too big.  All it did was smear them around the bowl, so now the bowl was all brown and smelly.  Can’t wait to use that in the morning.  And now the toilet was clogged.  I had no idea what to do in a situation like this!  Schools around the world should be teaching kids how to combat massive turds when they get too big to flush down instead of maths.  Anyway, I didn’t know what to do, so I called Bill (dad).

Bill called a plumber to pop the poop or something like that.  The plumber came over.  He tried to to unplug the toilet and stuck the plunger down it.  But my poop didn’t like that, so it rose out of the water and ate the plumber (actually, we haven’t seen him since).  Then my poop tried to eat me, so I pooped another poop to fight the first poop.  So much poop, so little time!

My first poop tried to eat my second poop, but, standing at about five feet tall, my second poop was just too much for him.  My second poop wasn’t no shrimpy little brown poop; this was a green poop.  My second poop ate up my first poop.

After a teary good-bye with lots of hugs and kisses, my green poop hopped into the toilet and allowed us to flush him down.  “This world isn’t for me,” was his only explantion.  And the biggest poop I ever pooped was gone forever.

It’s so beautiful.

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Yahoo Missed Out On Two Paying Customers Pt. 2

Did you miss out on “Yahoo Just… Pt. 1”?

Read the original article here.

We were actually hoping against hope that we wouldn’t be forced to write another article about Yahoo so soon.  But there have just been so many mistakes on their part that we couldn’t shove of the burden of complaining about society (namely Yahoo).  We’ll try to keep this short.

Ok, assuming you read the first article (if not, what the heck are you doing here?  Click the link above.), you know that Yahoo forced us to get “Mom or Dad” before we could make an account?  Stupid, right?

Well, obviously we lied and said we where 18, despite announcing that we wouldn’t.  That’s like two lies for the price of one, buy on get one free, and a discount coupon to McDonalds (yuck)!  Awesome.  So we got an account, but that’s when the big mistakes starting happening.  First of all, the “Coffee Breaks”.  About every five minutes, Yahoo must take one of it’s Coffee Breaks to recharge.  What kinda website needs to recharge?  Folks, if the Tubbo Website ever has to recharge, we invite you to hunt us down, and tar and feather us.

There’s nothing we hate more than a lazy website.  That image pops up on the Yahoo screen about every five minutes (minus the coffee stain and cup)!  Terrible.  We don’t think we’ve ever gone on Yahoo Answers without that idiotic message popping up.

From now on, we’re never using Yahoo again.  This is a boycott.  We’re taking our buisness to Google for everything from a Search Engine to an email adress.  Also, we’ve stopped sending email subscriptions to people with @Yahoo.com adresses.  Send letters of complaint, loyal fans.  And we seriously hope we wont need to write another page about Yahoo again.

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We WILL Tread On You

Whose Gonna Stop Us?

If we wanna tread on a stupid looking snake, we will, and no one’s gonna stop us.  If we wanna give it a butt slam, we will.  If we think farting on it is appropriate, then WE WILL FART ON IT.

Some of you may call us Nazi’s or something, but we assure you, we’re just Tubbos.  Tubbos who want to rule the world.  And who have blue eyes, have short blonde hair, and keep large furnaces.  But that’s besides the point; we aren’t gonna stop us from “treading” on a flag that says Don’t Tread On Me.  We do what we want!  We’ve considered burning down the Babysitters garage because there was a sign in her yard that said “No Trespassing” and in smaller letters under it “This Means You, Tubbos”.  I mean, it seems obvious that putting that sign up asking people to stay off her property would cause her house to burn down, right?

It’s fun doing the exact opposite of what people want, and being “unpatriotic”.  Damn you, Australia!

We aren’t punk in drublic…

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Yahoo Just Missed Out On Two Paying Customers

We decided to, just for the heck of it, create a Yahoo account, so we could answer a few questions on Yahoo answers, advertise this site, and possibly make a large donation if we liked what we saw.  So we were filling out the identity questions and crap like that, when it asked us for our age (as many sites do).  Well, as we’re both four years old, that’s what we typed in.  Who cares if we’re four if we’re willing to make a donation?  But apparently it matters to Yahoo, as indicated by the next page it showed us.Yahoo Sucks Balls

WHAT THE HECK?  “Please get your mom or dad!”?  We don’t need help to set up a basic Yahoo account, and we definitely don’t need permission.  We consider this censorship in the fullest!  18 year old to make a simple email account?  That’s simply ridicules!  Do they think we’re idiots?  Do they think we’re gonna get kidnapped from getting a Yahoo ID?

“Oh, I’ve got a great idea, Dubba Tubba!  Lets make a Yahoo Account, post our names and address’s, and hope we don’t get kidnapped because Yahoo let us get an account before we’re 18!”  

Seriously, they just lost two good costumers, and about a 10,000 dollars in donations.  Of course, we could have just faked our age and said we’re 18, but we don’t need to stoop that low.  Instead, we’re taking our business Gmail, and we hope you all join us.  Boycott Yahoo!  Down with Yahoo!

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We Hacked Your So-Called “Club Penguin”

Update – We’ve finished making a tutorial showing you how to swear on Club Penguin without getting banned!  We can swear, you can too!  Watch it here.

Well, after about a million of you emailed us about insulting Club Penguin in our last few posts, we made our goal to hack into the servers and have some fun with it.  On a side note however, why does it seem like all our audience loves Club Penguin?  Have we’ve been writing to a bunch of eight year-olds?  It’s almost insulting.

Anyway, to prove we DID hack into Club Penguin, we took a few screen shots, and we’re gonna show them to you!  It’s like adding insult to injury.  Nerds!  What do you think of your crummy Club Penguin now?

But before we hacked into the CP Files, we had to do a little research on Club Penguin.  We had to know what would prove to you Tubbo-Doubters that we got in.  We had to know what would make you pissed.  So we found out that things important to Club Penguin are:  Billybob, Beta Hat’s, rare Puffles, lots of coins, getting banned, and the old version of Club Penguin.  We decided against hacking to get a beta hat, as it’s easy to fake them, and we don’t want you to have any doubts that this really happened.  We also didn’t get hack into the older version of Club Penguin; it looked like they deleted the files when the game passed beta.  But we did everything else we promised we would, and you can look at the evidence and weep.

First thing we did was hack into Billybob’s account, which was surprisingly easy.  We expected a few challenges, but all they had was a firewall (a cheap one) and a few passwords.  Of course, the set-up was in Canada, so we needed to do some networking, and not to many people could have done that, but maybe we got lucky (we’re trying to be modest here).  Anyway, we got into Billybobs account, walked around a little, and took some pictures.  Oh, and we made Billybob say some things he NEVER would have said unless he got hacked.  Here you go:

(Click here to enlarge to full size – new window)

And, the next one right here…

As you can see, the first one shows Billybob saying “Tubbo Rules!”, while the next one says “Clubpenguin sucks.”  We highly doubt the REAL Billybob would have said either of those things (but then again, we don’t know the guy; maybe he enjoys ruining children’s dreams).  A lot of people think we rule of course, but it’s unlikely that Billybob would have said that on Club Penguin, which means that we did indeed hack into Club Penguin.  Owned.

The next photo is a Puffle that we ourselves customized.  We call it the “Glitch Puffle”, and it IS possible to still get it.  We rewrote a small portion of the Club Penguin script so that one of every 10,000 people will receive this rare and game-deleting puffle.  That’s the only thing we left in Club Penguin, as we try to avoid incriminating evidence.

Yes, it is sick, isn’t it?  We based it off the blue puffle, but as you can see, we worked the design quite a bit.  Club Penguin may have deleted it, we aren’t sure, but if you get one of these Puffeles (you lucky duck), please contact us.  We wanna make sure it does all the things we designed it to.  Of course, it will (hopefully) delete your account, but hey!  Easy come, easy go…

We also MADE an account, as opposed to just hacking into other peoples, and we called it “Tubbotwins.”  Speaking of which, Club Penguin’s site as a whole sucks.  Who cares if we’re over 18 (we’re not)?  We said we were just to creep CP-Support out.  They probably think we’re some weirdo a little bit to fond of kids (cough).  This is probably MJ’s favorite game.  Anyway, the first thing we did was hack the coin system so we got the limit of coins penguins are allowed to have.  As you can see in the picture, they racked up quite quickly:

9999999999-coins2

Yeah, we also hacked our way to a four-leaf clover hat, a cool background (the ONLY cool background), and a silly-mexican pin.  We were going for the immigrant look.  A very VERY rich immigrant, as you can clearly see.  We had to crash the servers for five minutes so the warnings built in to stop hacking (they alert Club Penguin support if anyone makes an unreal amount of coins in a short period of time, and we think 999999999 coins counts as “unreal”).  Sorry if you were one of the ones to get booted.

Finally, we decided to work the “ban” rules a little bit.  We didn’t like how if you swear, you get a 24 hour ban.  That seemed a little biased towards the bad little children playing Club Penguin.  So decided that (only for an hour, we turned it off once we had out picture), that if you swore, everyone in the room except you got a 24 hour ban.  We’re not sure if anyone did it, but if you did, send us your thanks.

We also made it so that if you said anything with the word “Tubbo” or “Tubbotwins” in it, without the words “great”, “cool”, “awesome”, “rules” or “amazing” in it, you got a 12 hour ban.  And if you said anything with “Tubbo” or “Tubbotwins” in it, and it also contained the words “suck”, “sucks”, or “sux” in it, you got a 24 hour band.  We actually think we got banned for that one (your breaking our balls, haters).  And of course, we broke the rule once to show you it works: 

Unfortunately, Club Penguin will probably delete our account for all these hacks.  Oh well, we can always hack back in.  They might try to arrest us, but there was a reason we’ve never mentioned WHERE in Australia we live.  Well, two reasons actually.  Some of you scare us.

 

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