There’s only one reason a kid should ever be that happy, and at Caillou’s age, we doubt it’s happened yet…
PBS Kids has a lot of strange, mind-warping shows on their channel; Arthur, Barney, Dragon Tales, etc. (not that we would know)… But Caillou is the strangest of them all- by far. Caillou is, in a word, evil. And you know someone’s evil when it’s coming from guys who push old ladies and children in front of cars for laughs.
Based on a four year-old brat who happens to be bald, the kid goes through life whining, screaming, and carrying on about the smallest of things that make him uncomfortable. If you’re a parent and believe your child is badly behaved, watch Caillou; things will instantly be put into perspective.
The problem is, it’s not parents who watch Caillou; it’s meant for kids. Children all over the world are watching Caillou’s naughty tendencies, and are mimicking it. Parents have seen once well-behaved kids turn into monstrous carbon-copies of the one called Caillou! When will the horror finally end? WHEN WILL IT ALL END?!
Even Caillou’s physical appearance is strange. You see, Caillou is bald, which isn’t a trait that kids his age usually have. We think he may have AIDs, but we aren’t really sure. Maybe his parents, who are nearly as demented as he is, allowed him to shave it all off because he said “pretty please”- they just can’t seem to say “no” (if Caillou asked his parents if he could burn down the neighbor’s house, we guarantee they’d allow it, and throw in some bullcrap “see Caillou, that’s why fire is the wrath of God” type message to boot). We really have no idea. Either way, Caillou is definitely a freak, and should locked up somewhere.
Here are a few things that Caillou likes to say. If you watch the episodes, you’ll see that he really does say these things.
“Mommy”: “Look Caillou! It’s raining!”
Caillou: “I hate the rain!”
Rosie (Caillou’s sister): “Hi Calliou! I love you!”
Caillou: “Mooooomy!! Make Rosie go away!”
“Mommy”: Hello, Caillou. Want to play a game?”
Caillou: “Daaaady!! Make mommy go away!”
Rosie: “Can I play with this?”
Caillou: “MINE! Gimme!”
“Mommy”: “Caillou, do you wanna go skydiving?”
Caillou: “I don’t want to do that.”
“Mommy”: “It’s time for Mommy to watch her favorite video, XXX Beach Action, Caillou. You’ll have to finish your video game another time.”
Caillou: “F**k you, mommy!”
Well, we may have taken a few liberties with the quotes, particularly the last one, but we think you get the idea. Besides, it’s only a matter of time before Caillou starts saying things like this.
That annoying little brat is teaching kids to act whiny just like him. Do we want our kids imitating a kid like this? We think not. If we saw an episode without Caillou throwing a tantrum, we honestly think we’d drop dead from shock.
We have to ban together to stop the evil rule of Caillou. He is mushing the minds of the new generation, and it must be stopped. We actually have a theory that Caillou’s bald head is somehow sending subliminal messages to kids (don’t tell anyone). Stop the terror. Stop the baldness. Stop the Caillou.